Release

There comes a point in your twenty-somethings when your previous coping mechanisms that have carried you this far, don’t work for you anymore. You have to finally face whatever you’ve buried deep within yourself, in order to fully move forward. There are some anxieties and tension I haven’t been able to shake off and move forward from. I thought there were just a part of my personality I couldn’t change, so why bother changing? I had to be humbled first.

I had to realize I can’t project my insecurities onto others, and expect them to read my mind when I can’t find a healthy way to communicate.

I had to realize I’m not responsible for anyone’s happiness, except my own. Especially my own.

I had to realize, and have to remind myself, that my worth doesn’t come from other’s opinions of me, or from accomplishments, or failures. I define my own version of success.

But the most profound lesson I had to learn, that everything else has built up to and prepared me for, is letting go of my self-judgement so I can release judgement of others.

It’s a lot easier to see faults in others, than it is to acknowledge your own imperfections. Because I didn’t have the courage to face my deepest insecurities and fears, I saw them in everybody. Because I wasn’t ready to admit them to myself, I criticized others. Because I wasn’t ready to adjust my perspective, I wanted to change everyone else.

The first thing I had to realize, is that I can’t change anyone except for myself. The second thing I had to accept, is that it’s ok to have anxieties and self-doubt, everyone does, but it’s not healthy to ignore them. Thirdly, and most important, it wasn’t until I faced my fears, processed them, and released them, that I understood them, which helped me understand, accept, and love others better.

Mother Teresa said, “If you judge others, you have no time to love them.” That truth applies to judging and loving yourself, too. The only power strong enough, and lasting enough, to overcome fear, anxiety, insecurities, and self-doubt, is love.

Release judgement. Choose love. Because love builds upon more love.

Sarah Lorna